Dear Mr Rob Park you have won 23452 travel reward miles

HellO Rob Park, thank you for being a valued customer to our enterprise. We here at starprise entership deem you and excellent customer and thus are rewarding you with the previously announced number of shiny point things that will make happy more you ! Please push the number 7 ( IT"S NEVER NUMBER 7) and we will connect you with a voice automated scottish leper frog.

BEEP ( 6 )

We're sorry, you're obviously greatly over obese and mashed the keypad, please try again ! Remember, we value your feedback.

BEEP ( 34 )

We're sorry, you're obviously clinically obligated to molest stuffed animals ! Try again, third time is an arrest warrant !

BEEP ( 7 )

Hello Robert, previously we called you Rob, but now that we feel much closer to you, we will call you Robert. Who is we ? Well I'll tell you who we are, we here at Finglehorn and Breyback, previously names Starprise Entership, are proud to deliver the greatest customer service possible. We are a unique company, presenting many excellent solutions to home schooling ! The reward dollars ( points ) that we are donating to you ( asshole ) are for you continuing excellence in flatulence and gluttony ! Use these points to better...further your education in your favorite subjects !! Anatomy !!! Moral arts !!! Feces tasting !!! Reality TV disintegrating ! Better flatulence control !! All these for the wonderfully low price of hypocrisy ! Because we already said they are free !!

BEEP ( insert PIE...3.1434234534...maybe )

That's not possible. Not obligated to continue blog. Running low on......brain matter..must...continue...must needs urinate.....

COMPLETE. Thank you for your time. Please press 5 to provide a quick and easy ( bone marrow donation) survey !

PLACE YOUR AD HERE !!!

Brilliant marketing campaign ? Genius advertising ideas? Come one. Come all. I don't know if any of you out there in the real world have seen the new Cenovus commercials...you know the lovely ones where they show a man who has lost both of his legs, had them replace with these flexible devices that allow him to run? Insert tear...then chalk it up to the benefits of oil? Add Cenovus logo...heart warming music...and suddenly I have forgotten about all the latest oil leaks and spills in the world. All I can think of is how lovely Cenovus is. I bet they make great dinner hosts. I'm sure that add campaign cost a lot of money. Just to fool you into some sort lovish feeling for some greedy oil company. End rant. BEGIN A NEW ONE I HATE CHEERIOS !!! But I love cinnamon toast crunch.   I bet I could read brail. well I can feel it anyway. I had a fantasmical weekend at home this past weekend past. Visiting the family is always a good reprieve ( i sound smart ) from the norm. Then BONUS i got at least two nights of solid gaming in this week to cure my cravings. More to come. Also had a few date nights with my lady friend which were also equally joyous. We washed dishes together. we both felt very domesticated. I mean it's good to embrace some traditions, sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I go against everything that's normal. I wonder how that got started. I blame : myself. No one else to blame besides little old me and my conspiracy craving self. It seems that I had more to say when I got into this blogish this morning. Oh yes. The guys were talking about tractor pulls for a half hour this morning. It brings a tear to my eye. just the one eye, the other remained dry and care free, i have seasoned it to ignore emotion. It's raining and i can feel the winter creeping back. DEATH TO BUGS. so in closing....don't allow the filthy oil companies advertisements to fool you. they are evil corporations ( hypocrite me ) DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO LOVE THEM. only a gentle, warm fuzzy hate. also. if someone can find me a job with any wind/solar/geothermal company that would be most joyous. I am clever and can do sudokus at below average speed.

seacrest out

The runaway and an early morning

Ok so I wrote this while I was in Scotlandia with me sisters and haven't made the time to blogify it. It's ok. I show you.

The runaway. Well to start, we had rushed our way down from Edinburgh to Haltwhistle. I don't know the significance of either of these names but I'm sure it's better then a penis piercing. The trip may sound like an easy task and guess what, it is. Haltwhistle itself is a small town with a few b&b's but still holding that small town old school feel. So we arrive. We are all tired and very much happy that we have found our nest. We scurry away quickly to the Black Bull to have a go at supper. And here we go. Supper came , well for me a good three pints deep. Three thick pints of great golden English lager. So no big deal , a regular supper. But the waitress or bar maid for a better soun , she says I can't stop until I've tasted all six brands. No big deal I say, usually it's 7-9 pints before I world jumble let alone this 4% English sheit. So I drink another. Meeting a fellow biker in the loo we start talking trade and here we go we've met up with the biker group. Three pints later I have maps and phone numbers to where my dad and I will go if we go riding here. My sisters are on their own boozing like they're highschool selves. Kyla takes the lead or so I thought? Deena is telling four englishmen how to roll. We finally leave. I pay, not realizing I didn't pay but Deena paid...four blocks on our way home we realize we left no tip. Kyla and I spring back only to realize that they don't tip here. Bikers joyous of our return, we have another pint, leave a fine tip anyway and a drunk night complete. Morning was a messy thing with KyKy putting her face in the toilet.

Great story I know. I was a little drunk when I typed that on my iphone. It sounded like gold when I wrote it believe me. Parting thoughts : Rectum.