confersasions with a madman

It should be noted that the title of this blog does not link directly to myself. Although titles often relate to the subject of there contents, this case should not be placed under that norm.

I digress...

As I was meandering

meanderingpresent participle of me·an·der (Verb)

Verb:

(of a river or road) Follow a winding course. (of a person) Wander at random. home from the gym this day, I noted that a vehicle looking much like a Dodge Nitro was dodge nitroing towards me in the opposite lane of traffic. My capable mind quickly ascertained  ascertainedpast participle, past tense of as·cer·tain Verb:: Find (something) out for certain; make sure of: "ascertain the cause of the accident". that this vehicle belonged and was being driven by my roommate, to be disclosed later. I then proceeded to text said individual, after pulling over safely and posting several pylons to ensure my safety. The contents of this text went a little something like this : Hey #*&((% it appears someone stole your vehicle and is driving like a bi-sexual. To which he replied: R u saying you borrowed it earlier. I would like to note here that this individual negated to use proper grammar and should be shamed. I retort : No no, when I wrote "someone" I meant not myself but someone who I do not know the identity of, otherwise I would have specified. " I just assumed it was u since u said it was someone bi-sexual. My bad, lol ( look orange llamas ! )" Unfortunately your assumption is wrong in this case. However I can note that the person driving resembled you. "I find that hard to believe. cant be two incredibly good looking guys in town." Ah so you accept that it was you and you were driving like a bisexual. If you examine my statement of driving like a bi sexual and translate it to a vehicular sense it would more or less mean you drive in forward and reverse. Thus rendering the statement as non offensive ( to those who would be offended ) and merely an obsevation of normal driving habits. " A damn good looking bi sexual." However you have just said you are a good looking bi. what a lovely story? is it not ? unfortunately, no one can be told what the matrix is, you have to see it for yourself. penis.

Hi. po. pot. a. mus

Hi there, blog how are, you? Today, it was quite windy. In fact, it was very quite lots windy dollar sign. and so. I stepped outside to relieve myself. with the wind of course. as scientifically the wind should carry my $$$ safely away into the pasture. Unfortunately, due to the multiple wind vortexes created inside the ground of the meter station I was at ( work ) the odd colored water took on a different..much more sinister path. Slowly ( surely ) I attempted to remove myself from it's path. Such movements did nothing. No..my pain..agony..self embarrassment..remained. I digress. and when I learn what that word means , I'll digress again. I systematically orchestrated my own demise by trusting the winds direction. This one small mistake...this one small decision..to leave myself at natures mercy..has taken me on an entirely different life course. I will not ever put my trust into this worlds.....this planets eco-system. If only the planet could hear my plea : I AM HERE TO HELP !!!! I try my best on a daily basis to promote safe, alternative energy systems...promote new social systems, help everyone and anyone I can...and what happens???????

The wind changes. not just in a different lateral direction but a complete shift on the y axis. and thus...

i piss in my own face.

I HAVE SURVIVED !!!!!

Short change cheddar

If you haven't already....listen to short change hero by the heavy. Listen to it on your laptop, while eating shart cheddar KD. Listen to it...and write your blog. And for GOD SAKE drink milk. Rinse and repeat. I can't see where you're coming frommmmm. Etc. Three bananas a toaster and some paper towel. These items are in the vicinity of Rob Park ( you ) right now. Sit back, who knows what can happen next. Ever since junior high I could eat one box of KD to myself.  ELLo ? Ello? its da car phone?  I recently had two thanksgiving dinners. I should note for the record that each dinner takes 5 years from my life. However it adds 10 psi of gas. From my bum. I'm contributing to global warming. Everyone has to do their part !!! hahahahhaha opposite reaction. I really have nothing useful to say ( ever? ) i'm farting and eating kd whilst contemplating watching 3 episodes of Nikita ( soooo hot ) ( Jen hotter ;) then possilby 2 episodes of strike back BEST ACTION SPEC OP TV SHOW EVER EVER TIMES 3 minus one. Then to top it off i'll watch a documentary just so i don't dumb myself down to a nascar watching ignoramus. ps don't text and eat kd ...you just end up licking ketchup off your iphone. if that has happened to you.. i love you. ok i have way too many things on the go to say this properly.


read a book

sponsor a child

fart in an elevator

while holding a kinder egg toy

when you're 24 years old

and you will be

one step closer

to me.

if you look at this upside down sideways it looks like three jacko laterns trying to mate with an elf.

if you have seen this... i love you.

Sniffisaurus Rex

Haha what a funny title. right? I think it's funny. I laughed backslash when i wrote it. i was in my head  thinking

( what would i write to attract attention ? what would i write to gather the masses? something great???? something grand???? something with poopy humor ??? like ...ie : ...ex : ...... :----8 hahahhahha thats a phallus.)

I went bowling today. tonight. this evening, at, a little past 8. not a lot past 8, but very close to being a lot past 8 because of semi molasses service at the local pub. now you see i chose molasses as it has either a very high or a very low viscosity. because i cannot remember if a high viscosity means slow and sluggish like peanut butter, i chose to say either to cover all of my bases. now, step back and lets examine the meaning of '' covering all of my bases ''. ok pause for at least ten seconds and i decided i didnt feel like googling ..googagling...googaling..google / ing. the term. so lets move on.

Ugh....you can't possibly realize this but i had just written an entire paragraph and also typed out a recent letter from my sponsor child....but...because she doesn't know English very well her letter doesn't have the best grammar and such...so i thought no matter how much i convinced you ( the crowd ) that the letter was authentic, you would think that i'm just being random and normal ( my standard ) so ...i decided not to share the letter. it was however fantastic. i really hope the money i send does something for my little friend Anele in South Africa.

because i have a small memory, i was going to write about my bowling tonight again, having not realized that goats do not have a rectum, i did not. i have heard several tales that apparently my blogs do not contain proper sentence structure, to this, : i say. That i do, not agree with. You ( in) . whatever. I didn't sign up for sentence structure. or making sense structure. i just wanna read man. write man. hahhah man. I did the score card for bowling tonight and cheated to win. sigh. honestly i probably could have done it more stealth like and got away with it, as no one else knows how to score that weird ass game. but i did not. because several ( one ) person said she enjoyed my blog whilst on drugs ( can't condone ) which must mean that somehow this is difficult to read ( hence ) I guess that i enjoy that HEY DOES IT SEEM LIKE IM YELLING WHEN I TYPE IN CAPS BECAUSE IM NOT BUT MANY PEOPLE BECOME OFFENDED BY ALL CAPS> IT REALLY GOES TO SHOW HOW MUCH YOUR SCHOOLING MADE YOU ADAPT TO READING TECHNIQUES AS NOT MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY YOU"RE TELLING ME TO SHUT UP AND QUIET DOWN< AND THEN THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE LIKE HEY WHO ARE YOU TELLING TO SHUT UP NO ONE IS TALKING BUT YOU TELLING SOMEONE TO SHUT UP SO SHUT UP. im wearing blue underwear

it took me three minutes to come up with this blog title

For all of you out there who enjoy FONT variety, I have kindly switched to VERDANA for this blog. Let's examine the meaning of VERDANA. I googled the word and this is what I came up with :


Verdana is a humanist sans-serif typeface designed by Matthew Carter for Microsoft Corporation, with hand-hinting done by Thomas Rickner, then at Monotype. Demand for such a typeface was recognized byVirginia Howlett of Microsoft's typography group. The name "Verdana" is based on a portmanteau of verdant (something green), and Ana (the name of Howlett's eldest daughter


ARE YOU F^&*#$#ING kidding me with this sheit. Well now you all know how much effort has gone into this font type. Cheers to you Ana, your font type has been identifying with youth for the past 'x' amount of years. You will notice that I used the variable 'x' for the amount of years in which 'ana' has been celebrated by 'word' document writers because 'I' don't know how long 'microsoft' has been doing this for. I could check on the internet but let's face it. end of sentence. 


So it has been awhile since I last ventured an adventure on this ''blog'' profile. I blame this on 'Community' season one and season two. This show has brainwashed Jen ( girlfriend sexypants ) and I into spending hours infront of the tv. Side story : my roomate just showed up at home riding his brand new harley. mid life cough crisis much ? oh wait..hes 50 i think so thats why its a mid life crisis. If you assumed he was my age ( x ) than you would be like hey rob, that shit ain't no mid life crisis. OHH PARAPHRASE


smells like you made the bacon and eggs, hey you played junior hockey hey?


yep


you know what a team acquires the rights of a player ?\




nope..


if that player doesn't come to your team does that deal go out the window ?


i dont know.. im trying to write a blog and write everything you say while maintaining a conversation so that you dont realize what im doing. also i played junior B in big river which hardly claims to be real junior hockey. ok so i stopped writing what he was saying, he has left the living room, where people live, hey on that note, i would say that '; living room isn't exactly accurate. i live in all the rooms. probably spend the most time ''living'' in the shitter or infront of the projector shooting aliens.  


Yes . I agree, well i hope you have all enjoyed Verdana. i employ you all to cheers to Ana this evening.


you can use motor oil to fertilize your lawn


recycle your animals

Dear Mr Rob Park you have won 23452 travel reward miles

HellO Rob Park, thank you for being a valued customer to our enterprise. We here at starprise entership deem you and excellent customer and thus are rewarding you with the previously announced number of shiny point things that will make happy more you ! Please push the number 7 ( IT"S NEVER NUMBER 7) and we will connect you with a voice automated scottish leper frog.

BEEP ( 6 )

We're sorry, you're obviously greatly over obese and mashed the keypad, please try again ! Remember, we value your feedback.

BEEP ( 34 )

We're sorry, you're obviously clinically obligated to molest stuffed animals ! Try again, third time is an arrest warrant !

BEEP ( 7 )

Hello Robert, previously we called you Rob, but now that we feel much closer to you, we will call you Robert. Who is we ? Well I'll tell you who we are, we here at Finglehorn and Breyback, previously names Starprise Entership, are proud to deliver the greatest customer service possible. We are a unique company, presenting many excellent solutions to home schooling ! The reward dollars ( points ) that we are donating to you ( asshole ) are for you continuing excellence in flatulence and gluttony ! Use these points to better...further your education in your favorite subjects !! Anatomy !!! Moral arts !!! Feces tasting !!! Reality TV disintegrating ! Better flatulence control !! All these for the wonderfully low price of hypocrisy ! Because we already said they are free !!

BEEP ( insert PIE...3.1434234534...maybe )

That's not possible. Not obligated to continue blog. Running low on......brain matter..must...continue...must needs urinate.....

COMPLETE. Thank you for your time. Please press 5 to provide a quick and easy ( bone marrow donation) survey !

PLACE YOUR AD HERE !!!

Brilliant marketing campaign ? Genius advertising ideas? Come one. Come all. I don't know if any of you out there in the real world have seen the new Cenovus commercials...you know the lovely ones where they show a man who has lost both of his legs, had them replace with these flexible devices that allow him to run? Insert tear...then chalk it up to the benefits of oil? Add Cenovus logo...heart warming music...and suddenly I have forgotten about all the latest oil leaks and spills in the world. All I can think of is how lovely Cenovus is. I bet they make great dinner hosts. I'm sure that add campaign cost a lot of money. Just to fool you into some sort lovish feeling for some greedy oil company. End rant. BEGIN A NEW ONE I HATE CHEERIOS !!! But I love cinnamon toast crunch.   I bet I could read brail. well I can feel it anyway. I had a fantasmical weekend at home this past weekend past. Visiting the family is always a good reprieve ( i sound smart ) from the norm. Then BONUS i got at least two nights of solid gaming in this week to cure my cravings. More to come. Also had a few date nights with my lady friend which were also equally joyous. We washed dishes together. we both felt very domesticated. I mean it's good to embrace some traditions, sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I go against everything that's normal. I wonder how that got started. I blame : myself. No one else to blame besides little old me and my conspiracy craving self. It seems that I had more to say when I got into this blogish this morning. Oh yes. The guys were talking about tractor pulls for a half hour this morning. It brings a tear to my eye. just the one eye, the other remained dry and care free, i have seasoned it to ignore emotion. It's raining and i can feel the winter creeping back. DEATH TO BUGS. so in closing....don't allow the filthy oil companies advertisements to fool you. they are evil corporations ( hypocrite me ) DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO LOVE THEM. only a gentle, warm fuzzy hate. also. if someone can find me a job with any wind/solar/geothermal company that would be most joyous. I am clever and can do sudokus at below average speed.

seacrest out

The runaway and an early morning

Ok so I wrote this while I was in Scotlandia with me sisters and haven't made the time to blogify it. It's ok. I show you.

The runaway. Well to start, we had rushed our way down from Edinburgh to Haltwhistle. I don't know the significance of either of these names but I'm sure it's better then a penis piercing. The trip may sound like an easy task and guess what, it is. Haltwhistle itself is a small town with a few b&b's but still holding that small town old school feel. So we arrive. We are all tired and very much happy that we have found our nest. We scurry away quickly to the Black Bull to have a go at supper. And here we go. Supper came , well for me a good three pints deep. Three thick pints of great golden English lager. So no big deal , a regular supper. But the waitress or bar maid for a better soun , she says I can't stop until I've tasted all six brands. No big deal I say, usually it's 7-9 pints before I world jumble let alone this 4% English sheit. So I drink another. Meeting a fellow biker in the loo we start talking trade and here we go we've met up with the biker group. Three pints later I have maps and phone numbers to where my dad and I will go if we go riding here. My sisters are on their own boozing like they're highschool selves. Kyla takes the lead or so I thought? Deena is telling four englishmen how to roll. We finally leave. I pay, not realizing I didn't pay but Deena paid...four blocks on our way home we realize we left no tip. Kyla and I spring back only to realize that they don't tip here. Bikers joyous of our return, we have another pint, leave a fine tip anyway and a drunk night complete. Morning was a messy thing with KyKy putting her face in the toilet.

Great story I know. I was a little drunk when I typed that on my iphone. It sounded like gold when I wrote it believe me. Parting thoughts : Rectum.

Le Blog de Jour. welcome, to ...HI !!

I am,, so very very sorry. So sorry. am i. for not blogging. see, it's because of the thing. writers block. you know what i mean? writers blog. Honestly I just felt guilty for not coming on here and doing the thing. and then when i finally MOUNTED THE COURAGE TO FACE THE BLOG SITE, well I arrive empty handed. No trophies, pour grammer, and two buckets of Not kick ass but slow melt honey glaize donuts. glaze. better. It is the 14th ish of July. It's hot and I'm smelly. I'm off to thunder in the valley this weekend, there will be music, and beer that flows like wine. women ( not for me ) ( cuz I have one not because I swing the other way) ( too much explaining) ( in the future I will write more...proficiently and not leave doubts ) so as i was saying where the women flock like the salmon of capastrano. but nor for me for Mike le G and Ryan , man with ford mustang tattoo on neck. I don't know what to expect down there. Could be surprised. But only if somehow i am. Sometimes when I'm writing this my brain flashes out and pure gold flows through my body out my fingertips onto the keyboard where then i must clean the keyboard ( ew ) today not so much. It's been a long hard day at work ( hahahahhahaa ) and ALLL I want to do is go home and game for 7 hours straight. and eat. gross greasy take out from some death dealing fast food joint. Be in the Mexican restaurant run by Japanese, or the american run by norweigans. the Japenese make kick ass mexican though DON"T GET ME WRONG. I always wanted to go to Japan and see the great wall of chin.........tokyo. Ever wonder WAIT LOOK BEHIND YOU !!!! i farted. poop humor always gets them back oh yes. Umm something else of note....big family wedding in two weeks. and by family wedding i don't mean that two family members are marrying themselves ( Targaryans ) but more so one family member ( cousin ) is marrying some other dude who will them become more a part of the ( our ) family as a whole . hole. It's going to be a grape time. I don't know what else to say really I'm under a lot of pressure here. blank, i'm drawing a blank. you may fill it with whatever you want. then send it to me and I'll post it here. FREE ADVERTISING. as you should know i enjoy capitol letters and parenthesis. They make my life happy. like my family, not like lindsay lohan. nobody likes her. oh ok well i'm done for the day. say hi to natalie portman.

the velvertine rabbit ate my hamster. velvetine. valvetine.

HAHA hilarity. its so funny. because its hilarity.  What a weekend. Booze and babies. a fearsome duo. such a duo could easily compete with the dynamic duo. which who is the batman, and the robin. in early issues robin was a slightly merry man with no tact.

insert : comma. I had a joyous weekend in which me and my lady friend traveled the vast distance ( 500km ) to the great wide ( rectangle ) ...Dean is ruining my train of thought. He keeps talking about work while I'm trying to ramble. hold on..ok i dealt with him. back to the weekend. yes we took our horses. oh MY GOD HE WON"T STOP. ok he stopped. so yes we took our donkeys to saskatchewan. It was pleasant. for peasants. us common folk gathered for the birth of date of day of my niece Lucia. we had a great weekend. Highlights : Willis calling Jen the hot chic. Kinsey peeing on the floor ( 4 times ) whilst galloping naked around the house. Lucia grabbing my beard ( just for men coloring done by : NO ONE ITS NATURAL hahahahahha OLD MEN. and that is all. Low lights : driving, roughriders hot sauce. oh another bonus was the cheap and delicious ice cream in Rosetown for one dollar a scoop. FANTASTIC WHAT a bargain you can't go wrong unless you throw the ice cream in a pile of dung and then eat it anyway because the 5 second rule is a tradition that cannot be broken or death will ensue and mary poppins will cast down lighting from the heavens as she descends ( took me four tries to spell that ) from the sky with red devil eyes and fourteen spoon fulls of sugar that helps the something go dowwwwwwwn something go down. Also, comma. umm i forgot. but again it was a great trip, the weather was great ( thank you Thor ) Dean has just asked me what Im doing, '' k don't talk to me then" k " K don't talk to me then. thats dean talking by the way '' k you can just ignore me '  '' robs random ramblings '' lorddd  ive been borrnnn a rambling mannnnn ... ohhh maannn. ok he left now , probably to poo. bahahhaha then he called me as he was leaving to show me his abs. great morning. I love my job. ok thats all for now i think...i would write more of what hes saying but its dirty talk now and thats not pleasant for peasants or high born folk either. In fact the high borns would probably throw me out of the great mess hall for disturbing the continuity of there feast with insolence. ok bye again see you frIENDS of the team. GET THESE JEWELS OFF OF ME THEY BURN

Are you ever going to blog again?

The short answer is no. The long answer? This blog. I'll answer you, my sister Deena, whoeth asketh me whether or not a future blog would exist on the interweb. Well a nice long adventure in the Eurolands ended last week. Ironic that the volcanic lava spewing on my blog page actually made my trip a tad ( ARM AND LEG ) more expensive as the volcanic ash from some asshole volcano in Iceland ( actually green ) flew it's way into MY AIRSPACE. How selfish is that? Flight patterns were askew. bahaha. ASS kew. Nethertheless , that's actually three words. Never, the , less I made it home safe and sound. The trip - a great journey. My sisters and I had a joyous time of wandering about the Highlands in Scotland for a week before they were packed into human suitcases and flown back to the west via fast flying device. I stayed on for two more days in Glasgow doing nothing but wandering and contemplating..what you ask? No, that's a lie, no one asked me what I was contemplating, in fact I didn't ( DID NOT) do much contemplating at all. Just a facade you see, a writers ...lie. What the F am I talking about. Anyhow after Scotland I trained down to London (ENGLAND) APPLESAUCE. it was merry and I was fruitful. I hired a tour guide ( Josh Simair ) and he was a great help and merry guide. After 4 days or so in Londonium i sailed to Spain to spend the rest of the time rock climbing camping canyoning starship enterprising and drinking. Grape times. Had by all. mostly me. AND YOU my friend. Deaner just walked in and, he asked me if i had got half a hair cut, he swore and said he wished he wasnt so short. this means i have to work now. ok see you friends, watch out for west nile.

departing to Scotlandia via aeroplane device, tommorow eth.

Hullo Rob, this is Rob. I thought maybe I should write a note before I jump aboard an aeroplane( flies in the air) over the ocean ( water ) to a large island ( narnia ). I am quite excited to meet with my sisters tomorrow at the Calgary airport ( home of the calgary stampede, largest something or other in Canada) to venture on our adventure in Scotland. There we will enjoy eachothers flatulence. It will be merry. Kyla has orchestrated the adventure will tremendous organizational skills, I'd be happy to give her a job reference anytime. Deena has planned a voyage to the Harry Potter Castle, where we will learn how to play quidditch, and I'll showcase my natural sneetch catching abilities. It's going to be great. Many large pints of beer will be drank. Song will be sung. Hangovers non-existant because on vacation they are not allowed. When my sisters leave me I'll adventure on my own for a bit. Probably heading east to find our ancestral relatives. I believe they are a race of immortals named the Dunabain. There I shall seek to inherit the immortal blood. Done by drinking out of a large goblet and performing some sort of ancient rite involving time travel. After this I'll take my horse to London. Maybe a night or two there before jumping on a horse a buggy ( flying) to Spain. I'll meet Josh the Spaniard ( as seen on gladiator ) and we will drink many estrellas and enjoy the sun. Probably talk a lot about Jess. He's a good man. I hope to find his nuts in Spain, I think he left them there. Then only will he be made whole again. A nice journey this will be. Missing a certain lil lady ;) and that's all I have to say about that. Ma and Pa will be happy to know that I will take care of my sisters ( probably the reverse ) and etc. I'm counting down the hours at work now before I make my final preparations ( poo ) then I'll be off to Calgary tonight for beer and wings. TOOODLES. I'll try to blog when I'm away  ( who cares ) at least once whilst I'm severely intoxicated. I'll do a spell check, and a nonsense check, and make sure I don't offend too much but HEY WHO THE heck cares anyway. bye friends. any requests ??? I may try to moon the Prince.

Blogger Dashboard

In two weeks I will be adventuring across the Scotland landscape with my two biological sisters. Trains will be ridden....planes flown....senses overcome with anger towards the annoying brother as I make a right arse of myself and insult the Scots with my accents. I doubt they will be insulted though. Too busy being drunk. Or wait is that the Irish. I read a sign once (sigh) that said god invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world. You would have to assume that the whiskey my cause some sort of allergic reaction. I know tequila causes me to projectile vomit but I don't think it would slow me from GLOBAL TAKEOVER !!!!!!! I have played many rounds of command and conquer and BELIEVE YOU ME I know some pretty bad ass global takeover strategic plans. But usually the bad guys lose in those games so maybe I should just use the ....protagonists plans instead DEFEND THE FREEDOM OF SUCH AND SUCH etc etc. And so, after a nice week with my sisters from the same mother, I shall mozee on down to Spain and meet my good amigo Josh. More adventuring...eating sandwiches....making fun of a certain friend who pays exuberant ( WORD OF THE DAY / WEEK ) amounts of money to fly places on short notice ( I HOPE HE COMES ) hey don't you love capital letters? don't they just grab your attention? I can put just about anything in capitals PENIS and you will assume I just yelled it aloud BATHROOM CLEANER. but it is not so. I have not yelled any of these things. So I'm basically lying right to your face. LIES. all of it nonsense. Petty jargon. This isn't really a blog your reading. It's 5th grade reading material with no structure.  Who am I kidding it's 3rd grade french that's been digested and regurgitated onto THE INTERNET via me the middle man. I'm chatting with another amigo Mike via facebook chat and I find him shallow and pedantic ( movie quote ). He lives in the swiftest ( not slightly) of currents ( in my pants) where he trollops around in ( on ) a pony. This pony is then multiplied by a certain number ( german ) and then translated into currency ( glass of water ) and such is born a Mord Fustang. Anyhow he's not showing much interest in our facebook CONFERSATIOn so DELETED is he. Anyhow that's all I have for now, I must prepare for my advanced Spanish class. Side note, Brody just asked me to shred so I will do that until I leave for class. Shredding = playing chess online. bahhahaha ya right. WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME bye bye friends and companions and should I say FEEDERS OF THE NETHER. makes no sense.

in response to my subsequent tailored birth of day

Hello All, you are my pants. haha. hahaha. so funny . how are you ? everyone? how are you everyone? today more like yesterday or if you will the day after two days ago, was my day of birth for the 26th time in so many years. It was magical. there was ( were ) bunnies and toads and magical creatures from the nether. by nether meaning ( never ) happened and such things are foremost mentioned by Tom Sellecks Mustache ( facebook group) . More seriously now, it was my birthday and it was grand. I celebrated on the weekend with my family in Edmanteen. and it was grand. A great fantastic weekend of visiting with my familia. Waterslides and hockey games. much fun. long drive home and home I was. 26 has been determined ( by me and a jury of my peers ) to be a devilish age of no fun and no candy for ANYONE. It's an ugly number, foreshadowing maturity and more life responsibility. NOBODY LIKES A 26 YEAR OLD. because I am neither young nor old. I'm squeemish. red line all over that word. But I'm still happy, where has the time gone? I'll tell you where it went : Florida, key west and the dominican republic of antartica. red line. So what will I do wonders the reader? I will venture forth into the unknown, in a truck ( chosen by my peers ) to a destination of wild imagination and fourteen previously convicted fellons ( Regina ) these fellons and I will talk about life. and their previous charges ( sarcasm ) train of thought, lost, lost in translation, I was interrupted by a molecular person who was asking me a work related question, I do not know what I said to him, you cannot bother me whilst I'm writing...I can't do more then one thing at a time . wait more talking --- Deaner and I , one time adventure. tigers won last night, i got tickets for tnight do ya? you lucky bugger red deer is gonna come out swinging tnight ya? red deer 3-1 eh? who ah who was in net for uh.the tigers./tyler buns..well he was hurt but he just got back who played the first two oh buns played but OH MY GOD I CAN"T KEEP UP TO THESE GUYS. I better go..I'm not at work . REMEMBER THAT FOR THE COURT HEARING ( is it spelt hearing ? for court? ok i'm out like trout, love, much ants. peanuts. APPle jacks. see you all soon. go tigers?

a dufflebag full of underpants

It's been a long..long long time since I last wrote to you Natalie Portman. But I'm happy to write to you now. I won't actually write to you though.

I swear two minutes ago in the shower I had a treasure chest full of ideas of what to write. It appears this...what's the word....you know when you use an object ( physical ) to portray something meaningful ( tennis ) hence the chest would be compared to the thoughts in my head? Or something? Allegory ? Frugal ? does spellt check work? hahhahah yes it does that word is so underlined in red. So the last few weeks. (3) have been bountiful. I don't usually have any trouble staying positive, one skype call to either of my elder sisters and I have a smile of my face. Or to the parents. It's great seeing mom give me advice while dad is saying he doesn't need advice. Sorry Dee and Ky for saying ELDER. I just wanted to clarify that I am YOUNGER ( full of youth and vigor and salsa pants and small jellydonuts exploding with flavour ) close parenthesis. Oh and that you are ELDER TO me full of wisdom and star colon period generosity and positivity and fortification bonus back slash SUPER PUNCH. this is why I love you both. period. Capitol letter to denote start of new phrase, no other word needs to be Capitalized unless its a noun or something like that exclamation mark ! so these past couple weeks have been grand in Canadian currency using only out of date two dollar bills. I feel very muchly so happy. It's great. and a great family weekend to look forward too. I will most for surely be jumping tripping and falling to my face on the handicap ( wheelchair ) access way in front of tony romas again surely. You people and your properly formed sentences can back right off. BACK OFF. I'm not a doctor. I am however a level 30 rogue. ugh. so . did you know that......dot. dot dot..I really have nothing to say. But I find it necessary to keep on writing just to fill space, because short blogs look like little failures of thought, like I couldn't focus for at least 5 minutes to write something genuine and thoughtful. I feel like watching Harry Potter. But it's just hard in this day in age to not kick my own ass if I choose to do so. twiddling thumbs. more twiddling.. so how bout this weather...sure is weatherish. sunnny and such. frugal . japanese cartoons are terrific. wow really reallly trying here. sometimes if I wait long enough I start to roll but you know I just can't seem to do it. I found a small

ahhhh that didnt work either. Thought maybe if I left that sentence alone a new one would magically form. ok guest writer. Cash my roomates dog:

Cash : ;oashbg;aojwkerfnwflonwi
Rob: and when did you start training yoga?
Cash : when I was two
Rob : and when did you learn to type / write english
Cash : a;sldfnopiwnef , oasiud;bfbsdnf;s $ oiuhfoiwen dollar sign
Rob: thats a nuisance how am I supposed to please anyone with your nonsense
Cash : proverbs are for hypocrites and stuttering donkeys
Rob : ( to the crowd) I bet you just thought of Eddie Murphy in Shrek, if not , you certainly did now. ( to Cash ) You're a fool if you think I'll believe that you can do what you do are doing then right now.
Cash : you know Robert, I once had a pet catfish, his name was Igor, Igor Ivan the trembler. He was a great fish I tell you my son, a great fish who floated around merrily singing songs or old lore and OH shit I watched this new series called Camelot, pretty damn good. The premiere was, pretty , damn , good. Two hours long, and there was nudity. boobies. twice. and one of the gals is a pretty well known hollywood actress. I of course am appalled at this. THINK ABOUT THE KIDS !!!!!! but it was good. anyhow. my back is sore from typing this. Because I'm leaning over the keyboard awkwardly and its not VERY SAFE to keep on doing so. I'm going to

Response to question 16 or something

Dee, Ky and myself are doing round two of our question game. I decided that my answer to question 16 deserved some sort of award. Perhaps an appearance on a game show or some good tv series.

The question was who would you want to be with on a deserted island.

hmmm difficult.....family as well.....add natalie portman (wife). shes good with a bow. and i think bow skills are necessary. plus wow is she hot. umm what else...probably John Locke from Lost...or Jack..they both seemed to do very well. Locke is an excellent hunter and his knife skills are off the chart. Having Jack there as the Doc would be a great idea as well. His character is a bit suspect however, he has trouble dealing with his emotions. I think I can handle this problem though, being an outsider and having seen the entire series. I would probably start with telling him its ok to love Kate. She's a great person despite having killed her abusing father. I think she did the right thing though, sometimes there just isn't a proper justice system to deal with scum like him. Actually she would be a great asset as well, she's quite devilish but proved to be a great tracker. It would be tough though, I could see her having to compete with Natalie for my love. But seeing as we're on an island, I think I could get away with having a dual wife deal. But if Jack made any move on her I'd have to decapitate his penis. It would be cool if the island turned out of to have some characteristics of the island on lost too. Then it would gives us all something to do. I could see dad and I having a great time bonding while adventuring on the island. We don't have much for hunting skills but we could learn together. Plus if we found the dharma project I'm sure they would have some bikes we could rip around on. I think Desmond should come too, I always enjoyed his wit. I just don't know if I would live on the beach or in the hatch. I like the hatch but you kind of lose the feeling of the island there. I could also live in the caves. For sure not in the dharma project though. Reminds me of a colony. I could see Deena turning into a witch doctor. Kyla would be more of the generally happy positive go to woman. Possibly losing her sanity over time. Dan would definitely end up living with the animals, probably running around scantly clad with a spear. Rob would be the button pusher in the hatch, toting an ak-47 but not really knowing how to use it. Mom of course would be Kyla's go to for any big problems, living in that mysterious shack. But the catch would be only dad and I would know how to actually see her. She would have many leather bound books, and ultimately hold all of the answers. All of the kids, Kinsey Willis and Lucia- they would be prodigies each having their own mysterious power. Kinsey - telekinetic for sure, but she would never use this power for anything usefull, probably end up just throwing bananas at people and juggling monkey feces. Willis would have super strength , but again would only use this power to heave stones into the water, and sometimes throw Dan into the ocean. Lucia would be the telepath, however she would only sing old cartoon theme songs, eventually driving the entire island mad. That is all. I'm going to blog this. Blog on.

Une change de vitesse

Or something like that. It has been (x) number of days since my last blog. Finally several doors have been slammed shut. One personal finding: I am not myself when I'm waiting to hear on job opportunities. I'm a different person, possible under the influence of Cram. For those who don't know who that is, too bad. I do feel a lot better now. Sentence structure is, overrated. Use of foul language is prohibited. Loitering will result in decapitation of reproductive organs. That just gave me a bright idea. A Chuck quote.

" Jump to Manus sitting in his piss and silver in the trunk of his red sports car. Potty training flashback. It happens."

Actually I can do better. Simmer on that one for two seconds whilst I find another. Quick side note : because you( the reader) don't have to actually wait (penis) for me to find another quote, I'm making you read this filthy banter to give you a sort of....implanted ambush of useless words in a form of a sentence...that way you will have actually waited ( in my world) the same amount of time it took me to find another quote. Double side note..FAIL because I just realized me writing this little...chorus of jelly..actually takes me time. Hence my whole idea is in shambles because I'm..Ron Burgundy????? So whatever I'll just aNnOy yOu bY dOIng this. ok I'll get a quote.

Ok I looked for 5 minutes and this stuff is just way to awesome to unleash on my blog. Read it yourself. Invisible monsters by Chuck Palahniuk. I hate this blog it sucks. Deena said I should write about my sisters wisdom. Plural. Such a thing does in fact exist. I turn to them both for dating advice. Then I re-read that and realize I've been single for two years. bahaha. Ok joke-sisters always give sound advice-it's just me who screws it up. It's like getting instructions then just doing the exact opposite because oh my god I've gone cross-eyed. Movie quote. You'd think I could come up with something original. NOT A CHANCE. I remember when I got dumped for the first time and my sisters wrote a letter that said they still loved me and slid it under my bedroom door. That's a cherished memory. I also remember directing several of their old boyfriends to where their underwear was. I wonder now if these creeps asked me to do it? or if I thought that was just the way it should be. Anyway. Ya. thats about it. True. I learned the tener verb in spanish class last night. Then I ate pizza from a new place in town. That's probably why I woke up at 3:13 in the morning. I hate this blog. Blog off.

In Soviet Russia, car drives you !

One of these days I'll dig down deep and write something truly meaningful. Just which of ''these'' days it will be is an absolute uncertainty. So. An uneventful ish weekend spent talking about motorbikes and boomerangs. I should have sat down and wrote this 5 minutes ago I was really hyper and my thoughts were mixing like urine and feces at a shady bar in Winnipeg. Now I'm much more relaxed; a little fatigued even. You see I made these two monstrous burgers. It's quite nice out so I decided that it was an opportune time to venture forth onto the deck where the barbecue is located. I opened the balcony door onto the deck. I was shocked to find it vacant. The last time I was out there, there were two lawn gnomes frollocking about in spandex. They confronted me with deep philosophical questions. Where did the snow go? Why does the dog pee on me? What did you do with my drugs? I had no answers for them. I could only tell them they needed real jobs and that I heard www.travelocity.com is hiring. Oh and yes, that was advertising. Travelocity recently approached me with a sponsorship deal. I travel the world spreading my new religion! It's actually not new, but I've taken up the old Viking belief system. One day I will die, and when I get to Valhalla, I shall battle everyday against my greatest enemies! At night we shall all join in a feast and drink mead out of the skulls of our best adversaries.....so there I was. On the deck. Thinking of throwing animal meat on the burning coals. And oh ya the gnomes weren't there. That's where this all began I do believe. So I made the burgers, I ate the burgers. Then I pooed the burgers. Well my roomate is now home so I suppose I'll abandon this delightful blog and go on to more sane things such as playing vids for the rest of the night in my underwear. It's going to be magical. Side note : glad to here me Pa is doing quite well. I'm sure he's happy he has such a great sane son. Jets suck yankees suck rangers suck

Hoy es Miercoles, ocho de marzo

Well I've finally sat down after a long weekend to blogify my feelings on current events. The weekend was I spent fernie in. the. I spent Fernie in weekend mountain. haha wait I have an awesome idea...stag a on Fernie in weekend spent I. You can't tell how long it took me to write that, but I fell over and had a few convulsions before I could finish. While I was convulsing the maid walked in ( I'm in Lethbridge for work ) and we shook hands and came to an agreement : ( wait ...that looks like a sad face, it's really a colon, then parentheses, where I was going to explain that I'm in a hotel, which is why there is a maid. And now we come round to what I was beginning to say in the sentence just previous to this one ) do I have to close those now ? I think so. So. so so. What the hell was I talking about oh yes the maid. She was in here. Cleaning I presume. I assume to presume the maid was in here cleaning and convulsing was I on the floor when we agreed that four kangaroos are just enough to lift me from my current convulsing state to a more thoughtful sitting pose. The stag was fun by the way if you were wondering. I have all appendages..I think that means body parts, and they are attached. Dangly parts. hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa. But yes much fun was had by all. I ran into a fellow from Prince Albert I believe his name was Graham Kaptein. He got kicked off the hill for snowboarding IN THE DANGER ZONE. I can only be lead to believe this danger zone had furry yetis trolloping about. And then we came home. Battered from excessive drinking, bruised from falling on my anus. I'm stuck in Lethbridge for the week or until tomorrow or I really don't know when I'll go back because. HAHA suckers thought I was going to write a complete sentence then BOOM movie quote or some such nonsense. Alright I've had enough. Until next time - deleted.

Manana es Viernes

A la media noche, el es cumpleanos de mi hermana. Or something like that. Kyla ( sister ) ( ish ) ( well no really she is my sister ) ( oh also she broke my thumb once ) well its her birthday. She turns....28.  Which means inherently I turn 26 at some point this year. My birthday is unlike most. It rotates on a triangular format orbiting sequential number patterns that can only be truly recognized by delivering perpendicular angles to small baby elephants. So with that said. I lost my train of thought. My mother just messaged me on facebook and it totally just took the momentum out of this bloggish. Did you know that baby seals are born french? It's only later that we find out how exactly they manage to blossom into lovely .... actually I'm tired of this nonsense. If you are reading this, I require a dozen donuts delivered to me by 5 a.m tomorrow. If you do not comply - I won't rewind those tapes I lent you. Or wait. that you lent me. remember. the tapes. ADIOS MI ROBOTS

This isn't going to be pretty, but donkey's don't care

Cuatro burros atacaron mi robot. That's right and don't you forget it. I never know what to write in these things. But hey it doesn't have to make sense and je ne care pas. I'm watching the Long way down right now and it's blowing my mind. What an adventure. I'm following my sisters lead on this whole blog idea. So I'm really going to try and make an effort to write as much as I can. I'm not making any promises though, they will be random. Hopefully I can tap into it when my randomness is at it's peak. So until then. Pee your pants this evening while you sleep. It's refreshing. Cheers.